The Big Swap - Part 45

 ~FORTY FIVE~

"I love you Vedant. And it is because I love you, that I can't be selfish with you. Not anymore."

He hadn't regretted drinking in the past as much as he did that instant. It was like his ears were doing just fine, listening to her words, and his brain was doing its job, comprehending the meaning behind those words, but the rest of his faculties, which made him respond and react seemed to have stopped functioning.

Meera gazed at him un-movingly for one quiet second after another, until he found himself say, "Hold that thought." He raised his arms in mock surrender, and scurried past her to the washroom.

After studying his disheveled features in the mirror, he splashed some cold water and slapped his face mercilessly a couple of times to pull himself out of his trance.

"What are you doing?" he heard Meera call from the door to the washroom, and let out a sigh, "Trying to get a grip on myself."

She looked away with a shake of her head, "I've been telling you to go to bed Vedant. We can talk about this tomorrow!"

"But I want to talk now Meera."

Meera didn't look too pleased with his persuasion, eying him disapprovingly. "Fine. Then at least go take a shower. I think I'm smelling whiskey and knowing you, it's going to take more than just splashing some water to be anywhere near the sober state I need you to be in."

Vedant shook his head vehemently, "It's...it's freezing right now. There is no way I'm taking a shower."

"Okay. Then wake me up when you're done behaving like a child."

He watched quietly as she stormed towards the bed, and found himself rush up to her impulsively. "Meera. You returned to Delhi two days ago and didn't so much as call. All I ever received was a one-liner message from you telling me you're home. I don't know what I've done, but whatever it is, it can't be so horrible that you treat me like this."

She stopped short, wetting her lips unconsciously. "I'm sorry. I needed some time alone."

"I'll be gone in the next couple of days Meera. You'll have all the time alone."

Meera plonked herself on the bed at that, before scooting to the side and making room for him to sit. He quietly did.

"When do you leave?"

"Well...." He blushed, "....I will have to leave after the Audit. I uh, just said that for effect."

Her eyes narrowed his way with annoyance.

Vedant eyed her skeptically. What could have possibly happened there in Mumbai in just a matter of seven days? Why did she look so disturbed?

"I'm not ready for this Vedant."

He opened his mouth to ask her what she was talking about, but something told him he needed to give her her time to open, and immediately gulped down the words at the tip of his tongue.

"Kanan helped a lot with all the hospital stuff. I practically didn't have to do anything."

Vedant nodded in understanding, having already guessed if Meera's Dadi was being hospitalized in the same hospital Kanan worked, there was no question about him getting personally involved to help.

"I wanted to thank him, and I...I guess we had a moment and he was about to kiss me." She paused, gauging his reaction.

"Did he?"

Meera's brows drew together, "You seriously have to ask?"

"Just put yourself in my position Meera. I know something serious happened there. And the first person you talk about is Kanan and how he wanted to kiss you. What am I supposed to make of this?"

She sighed to herself, before shaking her head, "Nothing happened. At least that's what I thought."

He watched as she fidgeted with her fingers on her lap, "But the next day, him and his Mom turned up to our place. Ma had invited them over for our rishta without bothering to ask me. You'd think my father would suggest taking my opinion."

Vedant gulped.

"But he's kind of whipped over Kanan too. A doctor son in law is rather enticing after all."

His heart hammered in his ribcage violently, and he didn't recall being this nervous ever in the past. Every bit of his gut told him this conversation was going to take a nasty turn any moment.

Meera continued with the rest of the story, telling Vedant all about the silly arrangement she'd agreed for with Kanan and expressed how she would really never marry him. She told him all about his convincing words, and she told him how she'd ended up agreeing in the first place.

But Vedant said nothing.

"Vedant."

He looked up from gazing at the floor. "Please say something."

He really wanted to, but all he could think of, was the fact even after all these years, even after giving his all to this relationship, Meera still didn't find him worthy of being introduced to her family. She would rather agree to marry Kanan than tell her family about him.

"I think I should leave."

Meera's fingers laced with his, as she scooted closer to him. But unlike other times, his whole body stiffened at her touch.

"This arrangement has nothing to do with my feelings for Kanan. I know my family will not let this be Vedant. If not Kanan, they'll find someone else and will not stop until I agree to settle down. Please understand."

He turned to face her then, not even trying to hide the look of betrayal lacing his eyes, "Stop calling it an arrangement Meera. Your families are involved now. To them, you two are getting married in a year's time."

She pressed her eyes shut angrily, "I'm telling you Vedant! I'll fix this-"

"-how? HOW will you fix this Meera?" he lashed out, pulling his hand away from hers and getting up on his feet. "I feel like you've ripped my heart into a million pieces right now! Tell me how you'll fix this! Tell me how to look at you in the future and not feel as betrayed as I do this instant!"

Meera gazed at him, gulping down her horror at his words. She wasn't surprised honestly. Any sane person would react the same way he did.

"Wow. So you're not even going to say anything to defend yourself?" his voice cracked towards the end, and she noted how his eyes seemed to glisten suddenly. "Am I seriously so insignificant as to not deserve to even be introduced to your family? Why HIM Meera?"

"I'm....I'm scared Vedant. My family will never approve of this and you know that!"

By now, she too was up on her feet, gazing his way with equal severity.

"You always knew your family would not approve of us. If you couldn't take a stand for this, why did you make me a part of your life in the first place!?"

"Because I thought I didn't give a damn about my family's wishes! I thought when the day would come, to choose between the two of you, I would choose you without a doubt. But guess what I realized when I was home this time? No matter how dysfunctional, they are my family. Yes, I hate my Dadi and my Mom. But who am I lying to Vedant? My Father's a good man...and so is Rishi. And I'm not ready to let go of them just yet."

Vedant blinked, appalled and hurt to the point of feeling broken from within. Who was this woman standing before him?

It's like he didn't even know her anymore.

"So basically, I'm not important enough to be fought for."

"Why are you missing the point Vedant?"

"I'm not missing the point Meera. I'm finally getting to it."

Her whole disposition tensed up, as she gazed his way sceptically.

"We should stop. Clearly, we have no future and you shouldn't have to choose."

Meera gulped, "Are you breaking up with me?"

Silence filled the air as the sound of the ticking seconds' hand of the clock grew stark clear all over again.

"Yes."

She looked away immediately, and he watched her gaze drop down to the floor at that. It felt like another stab at his heart. She wasn't even going to fight him? Or try to convince him against it?

Did he really not matter to her at all?

Vedant let out the deep breath he didn't know he was holding within, and even let a tear drop slide down his eye. Yes, he was now a man who had cried before the woman he loved. He didn't care anymore.

But Meera didn't look up.

Gulping down the anger brewing within him, he stormed out to the living room and gripped his leather jacket from the couch and willed himself to walk out of the door without sparing her a second glance. He'd almost reached for the doorknob a second time that night, when he suddenly stopped, again.

He turned around at his spot, and let out a breath of disbelief. And then, he walked back into her bedroom and stopped right in front of her.

"You...you wanted me to break up with you!"

Meera looked up from the floor at that, her doe shaped eyes clearly alarmed.

"Of course you feel for your family. But you make your own choices. And you can convince them." He paused, "I don't believe this. You wanted me to break up with you."

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"Why do you want me to break up with you?"

Meera looked away from him again, "I seriously don't know what you're talking about Ved-"

"-Miss Meera Modi. I can tell from one shrug of your shoulder to one pimple on your face when something is bothering you. And right now, something is eating you from the inside. Something that I have done. I've messed up. What is it? What's bothering you?"

She gazed at him quietly, before shaking her head. "I said I don't know what-"

"-Meera."

And that's when the first tear slipped down her eyes. She rubbed at it just as quickly, but by then, more tears followed. Before he knew it, her eyes were bloodshot and swollen with unstoppable waves of tears rolling down them.

"I've ruined you Vedant." Was the first coherent statement he caught from her jumbled sobs as she looked into his eyes.

He'd never seen her like this.

Not when she'd not made it to the best MBA college, not when she had to move out of her home for her MBA against her parents' wish and not even five minutes ago when he'd broken up with her.

"You went to meet Ma again, didn't you?"

The only other soul in the entire Universe who knew about his little dream was his Mother. He'd wanted to become a Chartered Accountant always yes, but not in India, because he'd always wanted to move out of the country. The only reason he'd pursued CA in India in the first place was upon his Father's insistence. After which, he had had every intention of switching over to ACCA, and eventually, move out.

This was before Meera had walked into his life.

After which he'd....he'd settled.

"No." This 'no' that sputtered from her mouth was too impulsive and a dead giveaway to his earlier doubts.

Sighing to himself and pulling Meera into him for a hug he whispered gently into her ear, "Forget whatever she said."

She wrapped her arms around Vedant's torso within a matter of a few seconds, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Her voice reverberated against his chest, as he tucked her head under his chin protectively. "You were already dealing with so much drama about your MBA and...and none of your degrees would hold good outside of India...I didn't want to handicap you Meera."

He'd expected his words to comfort her. Instead, he felt a sob escape her lips.

"Stop crying Meera. Ma...she doesn't understand our equation."

"Do you even hear yourself Vedant?" she had now pulled herself away from him, "Your life revolves around me! You can't even look me in the eye and tell me what makes you happy anymore!"

Vedant let out a breath in disbelief, "You make me happy you fool! I will always choose you. Over everything! You can ask me to make that choice again right now and I will still choose you."

"I can't let you throw away your future like this."

"You are my future Meera. I don't want to be successful if I can't share it with you!"

But Meera did not seem to be hearing a single word he said. She shook her head vehemently, until,

"This is not right. I won't let you do this."

Vedant sighed, "It's my life. And I make my own choices."

"No. Not when you make me the centre of your world and weave every other decision of yours on the basis of that. I won't let you."

This led him to roll his eyes out of sheer irritation. How could his Mother do this to him? Meera was never supposed to know about this! It didn't matter anymore! None of this mattered anymore!

"I love you Meera."

"I love you too. More than you can imagine. But I can't do this anymore."

"Don't do this ple-"

"-I have to Vedant. You need to become your own person. You need to prioritize your own choices over mine. You need to live for yourself."

Vedant grabbed her palm, his voice pleading, "Meera please."

"You think this is easy for me? Letting go of you like this? Ending the one good thing about my life?"

"Then don't do it Meera! We're meant to be and you know that."

Meera said no more, but her eyes gave him his answer. He'd lost his chance to explain, and nothing could change that.

A/N:

I think I've written this chapter over ten times now. But simply NOTHING felt good enough. Until yesterday, I sat down and decided to toss all my inhibitions to the wind and just type my heart out.

Meera is too ambitious. And Vedant, way too accommodating. I wanted to write about this clash of opinions. And I hope I've done justice to it.

I hope you guys are seeing it as more than just a breakup. 

There's an epilogue though. I love the two of them as much as you guys do, so I promise to not end the story on such a sour note. This is where I enjoy being an author. I can always fix things when I want to lol.

More coming up, how Meera breaks the news of Vedant to her family, Rishi and Meera properly reconciling, Kanan and Vedant opening up to each other maybe, Meera's Father's character revealed a little more, Meera and Vedant in the future...etc, 

Until the epilogue

... continued Epilogue 1